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05 November 2009

Kata Maaf Terdalam

November 05, 2009 0 Comments
kala itu,,
di home facebookku . .
terbaca olehku statusmu . .

kau tau??
mungkin rasa ini hadir dilubukku karena semua itu
kau tau??
aku merasa sakit mu karena ku
kau tau??
aku sakit melihatmu begitu

aku berdosa . .
membuatmu menginginkanku
lalu kutinggalkan dirimu kala ku jemu

aku bersalah . .
membuat sinar di matamu
lalu ku padamkan kala ku mau

aku terkutuk . .
membuatmu bersaing dengan kawanmu
sementara aku tertawa dan bersemu

tahukah kau kini ku termangu?
tahukah kau kini ku menangis?
tahukah kau kini batinku sakit?

jujur . .
kau tak lebih dari menarik ..
kau tak lebih dari pemuas dahagaku . .
dan kau tak lebih dari kawan SMA-ku . .

maafkan aku . .

maafkan aku . .

maafkan aku . .

maafkan aku . .

maafkan aku . .

maafkan aku . .

jujur . .
aku ingin menyayangimu . .
aku ingin mencintaimu . .
aku ingin membalas rasamu . .

namun tahukah kau . .
hatiku tak dapat ku bohongi ..
cintaku tak dapat menghendaki . .

harap ku . . .
bukalah pintu cintamu . .
bagi mereka yang lebih mengingin mu . .

karena orang itu bukanlah diriku

02 November 2009

A Perfection

November 02, 2009 0 Comments
I told my self “how to face the day with my own way”
Than a voice in the outsides said, “with a perfection …”

I wanna talk about perfection.
I have one simple question to be answered
“WHY WE HAVE TO DO ANYTHING WITH A PERFECTION??”

maybe some of you will say “absolutelly!!” or anything that sign a pro oppinion. But for me, I will say “no, we havent”

Pernah ga sih kalian semua mikir kalo hidup dalam suatu kesempurnaan itu menyakitkan? Atau emang Cuma aku aja yang have oppinion like this?

When anybody show me a right way to move on, I really know that it is “Right” for me. They just want the best for me to life on this “unright” period, but the mistake is these intructions or what so ever its not my style. That’s not my way. That’s not me.

And for all the high expectation to me to be perfect, fyi that’s killing me. Its like you put a very big rock on to my back. And I will fall because my unstrong body cant hold up it weight.

Than, if my tears falling down from my eyes, does anybody care about?
Than, if my unperfect me feel its hardness, does anybody wanna help me?

And one thing I cant understand, why anybody especially parrents have to ikut campur on my own life? Why I must to follow what they want for my OWN future? C’mon guys, that’s my rights to determine who will I be. Toh aku juga gitu yang akan menjalankan kehidupanku.

I desperate for thinking all this mess. My life I mean. When people want me to be perfect, when the rules tied me, when I feel my freedom is nothing …

I don’t even know what will happen if I do ignore them. And because im nothing but a pengecut, pecundang, or anything u want to called me, I don’t have any bravery to do that.

Yah ginigini juga aku tuh jadi orang masih punya hati kok. Aku mah iya iya doang dalam hati ignored. Dan hal itu yang bikin aku stres.

Dan untuk melanjutkan hidup, kesempurnaan bukan segalanya kan?
I want my life berjalan dengan caraku.
Gada satu peraturanpun yang boleh ganggu kecuali emang peraturan itu berkesinambungan dengan hatiku. Ok galz??

You, Boy . .

November 02, 2009 0 Comments
The way u told me ur very secret . .
The way u trust me to listen to ur story . .
The way u making me melted with ur cool minds . .
The way u be your self in this crazy period . .
The way u answered all my question . .
The way u called me ‘Nduk’ that making me feel so speciall . .

Don’t u ever think boy, u making ur part on my diary . .
U making ur part on my head
And making ur part on my heart . .

And don’t u know . .

The way u making me wake from my sleep . .
The way u walk on my darkness . .
The way ur effort to make me fly in the right sky . .
The way u realized me about our distance . .
The way u realized me about our differents . .
The way u destroyed all my dreams . .

That’s realized me that our memories are nothing . .
And Im nothing but ur junior
Im nothing but a stupid girl who are in the lowest level on your perfect life.

No problems boy,
Before ur charmness freze my head, I’ll kill this thought
Before it is too late to be stopped, I’ll kill this feeling.

So, will easier for me to breath without u, boy ..