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23 February 2017

[Fiction] Spotlight

I can see the stage clearer as the light dimmed. Hundred eyes are on the big screen, watching the opening video. Hands are clapping, excited that the show we’ve been waiting finally started.

The first band is on the stage after the mc opened the show and introduce all the performers. They are playing their hit songs for the opening and the crowd starts to cheer and sing along, so do I.

This seat is too good, I can see every single thing from here. No need to stare at the big screen if I want to see the singer’s face, my eyes catch every expressions just with a glare. This is what platinum
price worth, even I can see the crews busy with their walkie-talkie and papers at the edge of the stage.

And there I see a glimpse of shadow, a familiar one. I thought I might be wrong, so I blink. But it still there. And then I squint to make my eyes focus. The shadow disappear, changes into a face.

A face I will never forget.

A face I will never want to remember.

Suddenly the spotlight switch from the singer to that face as I can feel my heart beats faster. The sound of the concert now feels like a soundtrack of a movie which that person and I play as the main characters.

A movie about an unexpected meeting of past lovers at a concert.

It’s been months since that torturing moment of ours, when we finally decided to part ways because being together was no longer a good idea. Then, I never once tried to know anything about him. I was so consistent with my choice to leave, not because I moved on so soon, it’s me trying to convince myself that I took the right decision and no need to regret anything.

Sometimes people don’t really know what they wished for. Everything was so messed up at that time that all the best possibilities in front my eyes was to leave. That being without him would open up all the strings strangling my heart. I was really tired with heartbreaks and dreaming about breaking free.

So I provoked to end the relationship, never did I know that things would not getting better. The thought of breaking free was just turned into never ending emptiness. The heart missing its past occupant. Still I don’t understand which the best choice is, with or without him.

The song changes into a-mellow-ballad song about the best ex-lover and my eyes get wet.

I still look at him talking on his walkie talkie. I really didn’t know that he is part of this concert. If I knew, I would never be here. Seeing him is never a good idea, it leads me to losing the control panel of my heart, triggered all the memories we had to pass before my eyes.

I don’t know how much meters the space between us now, from the edge of the stage to my platinum seat at the second floor, but I can see him smiling. The smile that parts me into two sides. The first one is for the sincere happiness I feel because he made it, one of big things happen in his life. The other side is for the sorrow and un-logical ego that every inches of his smile is nothing to do with me.

That he has nothing to do with me and he is happy. That I am no longer the source of his strength and he is fine. At the very least, I am no longer in his mind as the person he wants to share his happiness with.

So ironic that once someone could be really precious to you and another second everything turns 180 degrees. So unfair that for some people moving on is serious matter and the others see it as a piece of cake thingy.  So suck that he has to be at my spotlight while I just being one in a bunch of people that he won’t bother to notice. 

So sad that apparently his presence still has that much impact on me even after all of this time.

The crowd is giving standing ovation for the beautiful voice singer when I feel a warm hand grabbing mine, “Tears in your eyes tells me that you are so thankful of me bringing you to watch those beautiful performances”.

Someone besides me, the one who gave me the ticket for our first monthversary, is now looking at me. The touched eyes of him can’t hide the fact he is happy that I appreciate the concert so much.

I don’t have the heart to tell him that he brought me a platinum seat for a different show.

I don’t have the heart to tell him that the spotlight which supposed to be at the centre of the stage was being dragged to the edge.

So I fake smile and nod.

Because it supposed to be our special night.

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